18. Jul, 2016

The Eyes Have It.

Racist Naturists.

I cannot get my mind around the fact that there are racist naturists. I could name a few who would never dream of judging other naked pink people by their sex, gender, age or physical appearance yet who willingly do so on the grounds of a brown skin pigmentation. They do of course hold forth while laying out in the sun, browning nicely and gaining an all over sun tan for themselves!
This story is especially dedicated to them.


The teacher eyed his Year 7 class. “Shut up, stand straight beside each other, backs to the wall!”The 24 pink faced students did as they were told. The teacher calmly walked down the line, stared into each child’s face, tapped six of them on the shoulder and ushered them to the front.

“ Would the six of you please go in?” but with a snarl… “The rest of you, shut up!”
Once inside he directed the six to soft backed chairs and new desks at the front, invited them to sit where they liked and to make themselves comfortable.
He then turned to the rest of the class and ushered them into bog-standard wooden chairs and well worn desks, ordering them to stand and wait until told to sit. When they did, the teacher promptly complained about the noise and got them to do it again and again until satisfied. The six sat quietly bemused by the performance.
Next came the register. The six found themselves addressed by their first names, the rest by their surnames only. First lesson. The teacher proceeded to distribute text books, the favoured few getting a brand new edition each, the others finding themselves sharing dog-eared and badly creased books.
As the lesson proceeded, the few found their correct answers greeted with smiles and warm congratulations, the others merited a curt nod and threats of detention if wrong. Four of the six were warming to their privileges but two were beginning to look uncomfortable, while a few that if of the others were beginning to exchange hostile glances. The atmosphere cooled even more rapidly when the six were given permission to eat sweets while the rest were warned they would be in break time detention should they try it. Exercise books were given out for the first time…the six got beautifully bound versions while the rest got thin, grubby books that had belonged to past classes but which they were told to fil up. One of the six was found to have forgotten his pen. The teacher simply tut-tutted and lent him one of his own but when one of the others admitted the same fault he was shouted at and put in detention.
By now, only two of the original six were enjoying the situation. The rest were showing clear signs of embarrassment. Among the others there were clear signs of hostile rebellion. At last one of the latter spoke…

“Here, sir! Why are you treating the rest us like this? Why are they your favourites?” The dam was breached as others took up the battle cry. The teacher held up his hands for silence,
“You mean why am I treating these six differently from the rest of you? Why I speak to them differently? Why they are given new equipment? Why they are treated better in every way? Well the answer is simple. They are much better people than the rest of you. They deserve better treatment!”

This explanation was greeted with howls of rage. At last the boy who had started the ball rolling looked at the teacher and asked point blank,
“What makes them better than the rest of us?”
“Didn’t you notice me check on the colour of their eyes out in the corridor? Their eyes are hazel and everyone knows that people like us with those coloured eyes are superior to the rest of you?”
This revelation was greeted with a stunned silence that soon turned from incredulity to sheer anger…
“Why should one person be seen as better than another person, just because their eyes are a different colour?”
For the first time in the lesson, all the children found their teacher smiling at them encouragingly…
At last they twigged.

Thanks Oprah!

Er, yes! I was that teacher following up an idea given air on the Oprah Winfrey show. It was necessary because the school, as in most rural areas had a serious colour problem.
There are no brown people!

(Apart, that is, from doctors’ and dentist’s surgeries, solicitors offices, hospitals, chemists’ shops, banks and of course the University of East Anglia.)